Script

Brain Shop

Setting: Brain Shop

Customer: Hi! I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new personality.

Shopkeeper: (In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this brain from Billy Crystal for $5000. Here. Try it. ("Unscrews" head and plops in pretend brain.) How do you feel?

Customer: (In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marvelous. But I don't think it's me. Can I try another?

Shopkeeper: Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from Captain Kirk. Only $5000.

Customer: (In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.) Here's one from Ronald Reagan. It only costs $5000. How do you feel?

Customer: (In Ronald Reagan style voice) Wellll ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this one's still a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back. (Customer comments on the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we are. The best in the house, not famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)

Customer: (Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the sign and calling out "PACK!" or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this is good. But I recognize it. No, wait ... it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those three famous people only cost $5000 apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant person. Why does it cost $15000?

Shopkeeper: Well, it's never been used!

中文剧本

脑店

场景：脑店

顾客：嗨！我对自己感到厌倦了。我想买一个新大脑，并拥有一个全新的个性。

店主：（用那种邪恶的恐怖电影声音）啊，是的。好吧，我可以把这个来自比利·克里斯的脑子卖给你，5000美元。这里。试试吧。（“拧开”头部并放入假想的脑子。）你感觉怎么样？

顾客：(以比利·克里斯特尔风格的声音) 美妙。我……感觉……美妙。但我觉得这不适合我。我能试试另一个吗？

店主：好的。让我看看。（翻找着。）让我们试试这个。这是来自Captain Kirk的大脑。只要5000美元。

顾客：(用Kirk的声音) Scotty ... 你能修好那些传送器吗？不，对我来说有点太出名了。

店主：当然。我去后面看看。（在店后面翻找。）这里有一个罗纳德·里根的。只需5000美元。你感觉如何？

顾客：（用罗纳德·里根风格的声音）嗯……邦佐，别这样……我觉得这个还是有点太出名了，对我来说。

店主：嗯……一个难缠的顾客。我得去地下室。我会回来的。（顾客评论他已经得到的脑子的种类，以及他接下来会得到什么种类的。）啊，这里我们到了。店里最好的，一点也不出名。我保证你会喜欢的。只要15000美元。（是的……15000美元。）

Customer: （模仿人群中某个臭名昭著行为的领导者，比如竖起标志并喊“PACK！”或斥责孩子们或表演一个著名的例行公事之类的。）嗯……这很好。但我认得它。不，等一下……这是（Insert name of person.）我爱它！但告诉我……那三个名人的大脑每个只卖5000美元。这个呢，却来自一个几乎未知、不重要的人。为什么要卖15000美元？

店主：哎呀，它从来没有用过！

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